what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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