So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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