I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
