I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
