dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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