Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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