I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
