Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
