I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
