HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
