I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
