so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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