I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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