3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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