she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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