i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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