walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
