His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
