i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
