Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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