i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
