There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
