She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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