Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
