I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
