So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
