Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
