Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just pee around me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
