your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
