sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
