The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
