My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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