She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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