I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
