Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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