I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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