you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
