Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
