So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
