Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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