You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
