first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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