is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
