I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
