If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
