from now on my penis is your penis
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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