quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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