there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize