We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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