is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
