Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
