Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
