So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
