guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
